sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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