It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
