She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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