So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
