this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
