I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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