nut hugger
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
