apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
