Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
