I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
