I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
