Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
