I could make wine with my vomit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
