Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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