Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
