I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
