I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
