i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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