YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
