There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They took my balls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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