I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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