Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
