he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
