my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
