im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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