worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
