she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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