No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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