I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
