we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
