I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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