Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
