He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
