so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
