we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
