I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think your dad took our porno
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
