shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
