you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
