How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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