I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
