I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
