just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
