Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
