The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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