Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
