I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
