This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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