Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
