I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
