she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
