he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
