go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
