There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
