porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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