It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
