is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i think i just lost a toe
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
