im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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