His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
