there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
