ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How's work?
Spinning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
