I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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