it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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