Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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