i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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