She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
