Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
