I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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