A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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