i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
