I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
