Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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