Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
