Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
