I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
