Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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