Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
