hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
