I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Boobs speak an international language.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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