I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
