Betty ford says i'm here all night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
