i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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