I didn't shave. On purpose
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
