P.S. I can't hear my feet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
