I just made out with a guy for $7.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
