apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
