he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
