Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
