Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
