my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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