So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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