I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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