haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
