she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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