Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
