Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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