Jerry, you need to find god
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
