"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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