Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize