What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
