Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He shit in the fireplace
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
