A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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