I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
